


Så tro på mig för jag vet att du är modigast

by stayalivelou



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Growing Up Together, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:17:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6932050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stayalivelou/pseuds/stayalivelou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras can’t remember the first time he met Grantaire. In retrospect it feels strange, surely that should be something he remembers. It should be one of those moments that stand out. But still, he can’t remember. Grantaire has just always been there, by his side.</p><p>The first time Grantaire saw Enjolras, he thought he was witnessing the sun in person. As he stands there, watching Enjolras speak with passion blazing in his eyes, this blush spreading across his cheeks as he works himself up, Grantaire knows, deep within himself, that there is nothing Enjolras could ask of him that Grantaire wouldn’t do, without a second thought.</p><p>Or, the one where Enjolras and Grantaire pretty much grow up together and they never talk about their feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Så tro på mig för jag vet att du är modigast

**Author's Note:**

> So, first of all, I have no idea what this is. It's the first thing I've written in about a year and it's my first fic for this fandom, which I only started reading fic from like a week ago, so it's safe to say that I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I'm so intrigued and inspired by this pairing though so somehow this happened.
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely Hazazel. Any mistakes left are my own.
> 
> The title is in Swedish and is from the song Goliat by Laleh, which somehow became the song I listened to the most while writing this. It literally means 'So believe in me because I know that you're the bravest'.
> 
> If you want to listen to my inspiration playlist for this you can find it at https://open.spotify.com/user/lolloburney/playlist/3Q7pA2GyebyYGuSlsJAlQL
> 
> Anyway, I don't know what else to say, I hope you like this. It might be written in an unusual way but I kind of like it so I really do hope you do too. I would love to hear your comments if you have any!

Enjolras can’t remember the first time he met Grantaire. In retrospect it feels strange, surely that should be something he remembers. It should be one of those moments that stand out. But still, he can’t remember. Grantaire has just always been there, by his side. Whenever he turned around, there was Grantaire, ready with a smirk and a snarky comment, more often than not directed at Enjolras himself. He can’t remember a time when Grantaire wasn’t stood by his side, he’s always expected him to be there. The idea of Grantaire not being where Enjolras is feels strange, and he can’t really imagine doing anything without Grantaire questioning and teasing him. As much as it annoys him, it also soothes and relaxes him. He takes comfort in Grantaire, in knowing that he’s one of the constants in Enjolras’ life, someone he can always count on. There are days when he thinks he wouldn’t be able to do anything without Grantaire, though he would never admit to this of course, in fear of the relentless teasing it would inspire in Grantaire. Even so, deep down, Enjolras knows it to be true.

The first time Grantaire saw Enjolras, he thought he was witnessing the sun in person. He was visiting his father at the university when this golden, striking boy appeared in front of him, introducing himself and starting to rant about something before Grantaire even had the time to blink. Even at seven years old, Enjolras was a force to be reckoned with, impossible to stop or slow down when he had a cause to focus on. This first cause that Grantaire got to witness was Enjolras trying to gather donations to give to the local animal shelter, which was ’a pillar in this society, sir. A true sign that there is still good in human kind, and a reminder that we need to help those in need of our help, like puppies and kittens.’. Grantaire was unable to do anything but stare as Enjolras continued his argument in front of Grantaire’s father, though Enjolras barely glanced at him. He was too caught up in his mission. Grantaire was quite happy with not being in Enjolras’ focus though, he feared he would crumble if the weight of Enjolras’ striking gaze fell upon him. He knew he wouldn’t live up to the expectations of someone like Enjolras and was all too pleased to just be able to admire him from afar. As he stood there, watching Enjolras speak with passion blazing in his eyes, a blush spreading across his cheeks as he worked himself up, Grantaire knew, deep within himself, that there was nothing Enjolras could ask of him that Grantaire wouldn’t do, without a second thought.

***

After that first meeting, which can barely even be called a meeting considering Enjolras mostly just spoke to Grantaire’s father, he makes it his mission to stay close to the golden boy. When he enrolls in the same school as Enjolras, he starts to stick by his side, never far behind as Enjolras goes through the school with confident strides, a couple of steps behind Combeferre and Courfeyrac who are always right by Enjolras, but Grantaire always makes sure to be close by in case Enjolras ever needs him. Of course, he does this under the pretense of annoying and teasing Enjolras, terrified to let the other boy know just how much he cares, and how much stronger and better he feels in Enjolras’ shadow. Even when just a fraction of Enjolras’ light falls upon him, Grantaire appears so much more beautiful than he could ever do on his own.

Still, there are some who see through him, or at least think they do, calling him Enjolras’ pet, shadow, or worse, stalker. Grantaire doesn’t let it get to him, he doesn’t care, as long as he gets to be near Enjolras he couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks of him. Besides, the teasing has mostly stopped now, ever since someone said something a little too mean to Grantaire in Enjolras’ presence and Enjolras completely snapped. Grantaire knew he loved the fire within Enjolras, but to see it like that, exploding out of him and blinding everyone in its vicinity, he knew there was nothing more beautiful in the world. It might have been that sight more than anything that made him love teasing Enjolras so. Even though nothing he says ever comes close to provoking that reaction, he lives to see Enjolras blush with anger, sparks flying from his eyes, his whole body tensing in preparation for a possible fight. Though it doesn’t exactly make Enjolras like him, Grantaire loves winding him up.

Enjolras may not remember the first time he met Grantaire, only knows he’s always been there, but he does remember the first time he realized Grantaire was on his side. It was during one of Enjolras’ first organized meetings at school. He was arguing against standardized testing, trying to raise awareness among the students and start a petition to bring to the local, and eventually national, politicians. It hadn’t been going that well, barely anyone showed up, except for Combeferre and Courfeyrac, and Grantaire of course, but Enjolras wouldn’t let that stop him. He was aware that change always took longer than you wanted it to. The ones that had shown up didn’t seem that interested, most of them were people who Enjolras had walked up to personally in the corridor and it was likely that they were only there because they feared his wrath in case they didn't show. Though some seemed to be there for another reason entirely, to make fun of Enjolras and his meeting. Everyone at school knew who Enjolras was, mostly because he was everywhere, always trying to change something, and most people just let him be, let him run the student council and do whatever he wanted, as long as he didn’t ask to much of them.

There were some though, who always wanted to ruin everything that belonged to someone else, always wanted to make someone feel bad, just because they could. They were the same people who always teased Grantaire, the ones calling him a little boy trying to pull Enjolras’ pigtails. They mostly left Enjolras alone, usually just providing a snarky commentary in the background. This time they were more interested in picking a fight than usual, interrupting loudly when Enjolras was speaking and generally just being idiots. Enjolras tried to ignore them, he didn’t want to give them the pleasure of getting a rise out of him and ruining his mission, but the nastier their comments became the harder it was to focus on his speech. He had always had a bad temper, which Grantaire could confirm, and no one was really surprised when he snapped and threw himself at the one closest to him. He might not be a great fighter (at least not yet, though future experiences would help him improve) but what he lacked in technique he made up for with anger and passion. He lost himself in the fight, just as he lost himself in everything he engaged in, and it wasn’t until the teachers arrived and broke them apart that he saw who else had joined in. He wasn’t surprised to see that Combeferre and Courfeyrac had thrown themselves in the fight with him, but he was very shocked to see Grantaire held back by one of the teachers. Perhaps it shouldn’t have surprised him, Grantaire always seemed happy to provoke others into fighting with him, at any rate he always appeared to try and get Enjolras to fight with him, though their fights never did turn physical, instead always staying verbal. So seeing Grantaire fight shouldn’t come as a shock, he could be quite destructive even on his best days. No, what surprised Enjolras was that he’d bothered enough to join this fight. Grantaire had made it no secret that he was against everything Enjolras stood for, always arguing against him and always sharing his skepticism and cynicism. Enjolras had been surprised to even see Grantaire at the meeting, thinking that he was just there to disagree with everything. So it surprised Enjolras a great deal, warmed some part of him even, to see Grantaire fighting with him, for Enjolras’ cause. Maybe even for Enjolras himself, which felt strange.

Either way, from that day on, Enjolras always noticed when Grantaire was by his side, which was most of the time. He noticed that no matter how much Grantaire argued with him about Enjolras’ opinions, he always showed up to meetings and rallies, he was always stood on Enjolras’ right side, supporting him quietly (or not so quietly if you considered all the teasing comments he provided) and always ready to join in a fight if one happened. No matter what happened, no matter what they had fought about earlier and no matter what Enjolras said in the heat of the moment, Grantaire was always by his side, a comforting presence that probably meant more than Enjolras was willing to admit.

***

When Grantaire’s father dies in a car accident, the first person he wants to talk to or see is Enjolras. It probably shouldn’t come as a surprise, considering Grantaire has been in love with Enjolras since he was seven years old, but what does come as a surprise to Grantaire is the fact that he’s calling Enjolras from the hospital without even remembering opening his phone, not even counting going in to his contacts and pressing the one named ’Apollo’. What is even more surprising is the fact that Enjolras answers after the first tone, sounding so worried it almost breaks Grantaire’s heart. He can’t say anything at first, isn’t even sure why he called Enjolras in the first place, but it’s still comforting to just hear Enjolras’ breathing on the other end. Enjolras doesn’t say anything, just waits for Grantaire to speak and finally he manages to get out a quiet ’will you come?’, his voice trembling. As soon as the words leave his lips he’s terrified, what if Enjolras thinks he’s crazy for asking and won’t come? He shouldn't have worried though, he barely has time to panic before Enjolras tells him ’I’ll be there in ten’ and hangs up, leaving Grantaire staring at his phone in slight shock. Part of him thinks he shouldn’t be surprised that Enjolras is there for him, just like Grantaire always has been there for Enjolras, but at the same time, this is the first time it’s been really clear to him.

Grantaire doesn’t really expect Enjolras to show up at the hospital within ten minutes like he said he would, considering it would take him about twenty minutes to get there, even if he wasn’t keeping to the speed limit. But since Enjolras never lets anything stop him, not even the law or the impossible, he’s there within exactly ten minutes from when he hung up the phone, bursting through the doors of the hospital, looking more like an angel to Grantaire than ever before. He searches the room and as soon as his eyes land on Grantaire he marches up to him and pulls a shocked Grantaire into a tight hug. Ever since the news about his father’s accident reached him, Grantaire’s been able to keep it relatively together, but as soon as he feels Enjolras’ arms around him he breaks down and lets the tears fall. He can no longer keep the pain away and he’s shaking in Enjolras arms, the only things holding him up.

They’re at school when Grantaire hears about his father's accident, talking about the new anti-discrimination program they’re trying to get the school to agree to and Enjolras glares at him when his phone rings, irritated at the interruption. As soon as Grantaire answers the phone and Enjolras sees his face fall, all that irritation floats away and he’s left with only worry. At sixteen years old they’re arguing more than ever, a result of Enjolras getting more and more involved in local politics and voicing his opinions even louder, but if held at gun point he would still say that Grantaire is one of his closest friends. He hopes that Grantaire would say the same thing. So when Grantaire takes off in a hurry, with a hurried explanation that sounds like an apology, Enjolras is unable to focus anymore that day, not on school, nor on his other work. He can think of nothing but Grantaire and the pain he must be feeling. Enjolras was never that close to Grantaire’s father, why would he be, but he respects the man. Whenever he visited his own father at the university he made sure to stop by and say hello to Grantaire’s father, and maybe discuss some Greek with him. So when he hears the news, it’s not his friend’s father he mourns, it is only Grantaire he can worry about.

He's more relived than he cares to admit when Grantaire calls, having worried about him all day since the call first arrived. He doesn't say anything first, knows enough about his friends to wait and let him speak. There are few people in the world who can make Enjolras wait and stay quiet until they say anything themselves, but Grantaire is one of them. As soon as Grantaire asks him to come, he's on his way, determined to be by his friend's side as quickly has humanly possible, or perhaps quicker than so. He's not entirely sure how he manages to get to the hospital in ten minutes, but he's determined to do it and so he does it. Not many things in the world could stop him on a normal day, and when his friend is in need, there is absolutely nothing that could prevent him from getting there.

When he reaches Grantaire and he falls into Enjolras' arms, he is filled with an immense feeling of calm. He's still worried sick of course, but just the feeling of Grantaire in his arms, just knowing he's there and safe is enough to calm him a bit. Though his friends like to tease him about his passion for his many causes, like to call him inhuman and a machine, there is nothing more important to Enjolras than his friends. He doesn't think he's ever said it out loud before, but as he sits there with Grantaire crying in his arms, he realizes that somehow, between all the fighting and teasing, Grantaire has become one of his closest friends, one of the most important people in his life.

***

They don’t really talk about it after that night. Enjolras can see that Grantaire doesn’t want to and he’s smart enough to know not to treat him any differently from before, so things mostly go back to normal. They still argue pretty much every day, Grantaire picking at all of Enjolras’ ideas and dreams, and Enjolras frustratedly trying to get Grantaire to care. One would perhaps expect them to get closer after the night at the hospital, but if anything they drift apart, Grantaire pulling away more and more. Enjolras is aware that Grantaire’s father’s job at the university was the only reason his family was able to have Grantaire go to the same school as Enjolras. The life insurance helps Grantaire and his mother stay up float but things still change for them. They had never had as much money as Enjolras’ family did and this only served to make the difference more obvious. Enjolras didn’t care. He’d never considered himself to be better than anyone because of his family’s money, and he would never consider himself better than Grantaire for that reason. He didn’t even really want his family’s money, which he was aware was something only a person who had money would say, the only thing it was good for was being donated to important causes. So, as their different backgrounds had never been a big issue between them before, only something Grantaire mentioned a few times when he needed to point out why Enjolras’ arguments were flawed, Enjolras couldn’t see why it would make Grantaire pull away from him now.

Grantaire had always known that Enjolras was kind. No matter how much he liked to join in with Combeferre and Courfeyrac when they called Enjolras a robot, so focused on his work and having no time for feelings, Grantaire could always see that Enjolras had a heart. It was obvious in the causes he fought so hard for, from that first animal shelter to other underprivileged institutions. He volunteered at the soup kitchen and sometimes read to both kids and elders at the library. So Grantaire knew that Enjolras was kind. He had never had that kindness directed at himself though, and that night at the hospital, when Enjolras’ goodness was so intently focused on him, it rattled him. He never liked showing too many emotions around Enjolras, which was one of the reasons he always teased and argued with him, as the other option would have been to just sit and stare in awe. But that night he’d bared himself so completely in front of Enjolras, and even though Enjolras never mentioned it, never treated him differently, it still felt like something had changed.

So he tries to put some distance between himself and Enjolras, afraid to let his feelings show. In a way he is almost grateful that he and his mother don't have much money, as it provide Enjolras with a possible explanation as to why Grantaire pulled away. He can see that Enjolras thinks money was the reason, in the way he works harder to show that he doesn't consider himself more important than anyone because of his family’s status and wealth. It’s easier to let Enjolras focus on trying to show Grantaire that he considers them both to be on the same level, than to risk letting Enjolras see the true extent of Grantaire’s feelings. Still, it’s harder to keep his distance from Enjolras than he thought it would be, not because he’s not trying, but because Enjolras won’t let him go. He’s always been impossible to fool, and when he’s got his eye set on something he always gets it. Apparently this time he’s determined to not let Grantaire pull away from him, no matter the reason, and he somehow manages to drag Grantaire to all his student meetings and demonstrations, getting him to design and draw the flyers even though Grantaire tries hard to get out of it.

After a while Grantaire becomes grateful for Enjolras’ struggles to keep him by his side, as his mother’s drinking gets worse and worse it’s nice to have something else to focus on, something to keep himself mostly sober, even if it is being a part of something he doesn’t believe in. It’s better to be stuck at one of Enjolras’ meetings, arguing about something he doesn’t care about, than sitting at home, worrying about his mother and being tempted by the bottle himself. He doesn’t ever tell Enjolras about his mother’s issues, but he knows that Enjolras is aware of them. He never brings it up though, which Grantaire is extremely grateful of. He doesn't have the energy to fight with Enjolras about this, doesn’t want to see the look in his eyes when he realizes Grantaire has a weakness for drinking himself. He could never bear Enjolras’ disappointment.

The night of Grantaire’s mother’s funeral, Enjolras is more furious with Grantaire than he’s ever been before. His mother’s been ill for a long time, a combination of grief and drinking, which had been an issue even before her husband died, but had only increased during the past year. Enjolras knew something was going on, and he’d been trying to help Grantaire as much as possible without letting him know that that was what he was doing. He knows his father has been helping Grantaire and his mother out financially, which he’s very grateful for, as Enjolras knows Grantaire would never accept money from him. He also knows that Grantaire has been looking more and more miserable as time went by, his home life following him to school. Enjolras has been doing his best to keep Grantaire distracted, but there’s only so much he can do. So while his mother’s death isn’t a surprise, and he knows part of Grantaire will be relieved, Enjolras can’t help but wish she’d hold on for a few more months, until Grantaire’s eighteenth birthday at least. Now Grantaire has to worry about not having a legal guardian, even though Enjolras knows it won’t be an issue for long, he knows his parents will take him in (which he can’t help but be a little bitter about, he’s pretty sure part of the reason his mother is agreeing to it is because of her political gain) but it will still put unnecessarily strain on Grantaire’s shoulders.

So when Enjolras doesn’t see Grantaire at the funeral, he’s worried. At first it doesn’t cross his mind to be angry, he’s just worried for his friend who must be in so much pain to not even show up to his mother’s funeral. He checks Grantaire’s house at first, even though he’s pretty sure it’s a waste of time, and then goes to the only other place he can think of. It should probably mean something, that the knows exactly where to find Grantaire, but at the time Enjolras isn’t willing to think about it. He finds him outside of the university, by the tree next to his father’s old office, and when he gets there, all the worry inside of him goes away to make space for the anger that quickly spreads through him. He’s screaming at Grantaire before he even reaches him and Grantaire looks up in shock, eyes surprisingly clear considering the empty bottles around him. Enjolras is so furious he’s shaking, fists balled up by his side, struggling to not throw himself at Grantaire. He doesn’t understand how Grantaire can do this, on the day of his mother’s funeral, when this was exactly the sort of thing that caused her to die. How can Grantaire turn to the very thing that killed his mother?

He screams all of this and other, worse things at Grantaire, who just sits there and takes it, looking at Enjolras with empty eyes that give nothing away. He’s always been good at putting up a mask in front of Enjolras and he does that now, refusing to let him know what he’s feeling. It just makes Enjolras even more frustrated, he wants Grantaire to feel something, anything. He would rather have Grantaire screaming back at him, or crying in his arms, just doing anything besides sitting there drinking, cold and expressionless. He so badly wants to get a reaction out of Grantaire and his frustration makes Enjolras’ words meaner and meaner, until he himself is flinching inside at how cutting they are. Still, Grantaire shows nothing, does nothing besides drink from his bottle, until Enjolras has the foresight to take it from him. Only then does Grantaire react and tries to take it back, but he’s drunk enough that he has trouble standing up and it’s not hard for Enjolras to fight him off. It is harder to get Grantaire to walk with him though, but somehow he manages to get him into his car and over to Courfeyrac’s place. He doesn’t want to bring Grantaire home to his own parents and Enjolras leaves him there, too angry to be around him. They never talk about that night again, as is their custom, but it changes things between them. It changes the foundation they’ve been standing on, and it’s there in the air every time they fight, all the things Enjolras said and all the things Grantaire never said back.

***

It takes a while for them to get back to normal after the fight, mostly because everything changes. Grantaire lives with Enjolras until he turns eighteen, which obviously takes some time getting used to. They’re used to being around each other a lot, but they’re not used to the other being around when they’re at home and at first they walk on eggshells around each other, until finally Grantaire snaps and tells Enjolras not to treat him like a delicate flower. And once things get better at home they’re both going off to college and that changes their dynamic a bit as well, just because they’re in a brand new environment. Grantaire tries to refuse when Enjolras’ parents offer to pay for college, but neither they nor Enjolras will take no for an answer, destroying all of his arguments before he's even thought of them. He could just not go, but in the end, the art program is too good to say no to (and maybe possibly he can’t imagine not being where Enjolras is). So they both leave home together with Courfeyrac and Combeferre and somehow their small group grows bigger. Grantaire is roommates with Bossuet who brings Joly and Musichetta with him, Courfeyrac brings his new roommate Marius and they meet Jehan at the library and somehow they all just find each other, without anyone being really sure how. Musain becomes a natural place for them to meet after Grantaire’s found it and become friends with Eponine and so Grantaire goes from following Enjolras around at high school to spending almost every night in the back of Musain, listening to Enjolras rant and preach. One might think he’d be displeased with not changing more at college, but there is nowhere he’d rather be.

Even though they're still by each other's sides, they’re not the same in college as they were. For one, Grantaire drinks much more than he ever did, which means he’s not always as attentive to Enjolras as he used to be. Sometimes he even misses a meeting because he’s still hungover. They’re also not used to interacting with so many people, they’re used to it just being the two of them arguing and the two C’s interfering. Suddenly there are other people around who sometimes get involved, either defending Grantaire to Enjolras, or holding Grantaire back when he gets too riled up. There is still so much unsaid between them, things neither of them will mention. Though he frowns every time he sees Grantaire with a bottle, Enjolras never comments on his drinking again. Grantaire never tells Enjolras how he really feels about him, how grateful he is to Enjolras for taking care of him and how sorry he is for disappointing him. He also never says anything about how part of the reason why he’s drinking is because it feels like the only option to kissing Enjolras, which he finds himself thinking about more and more. So, they’re still by each other’s sides, but they’re not the same.

During their senior year Marius meets Cosette and it probably shouldn't be this life changing event to them as it is to Marius, but somehow it is anyway. Enjolras, of course, doesn’t understand Marius’ difficulties focusing on anything other than Cosette, doesn’t understand how one could fall so completely head over heels for someone else, or even bother with love in the first place, as he sees it only as a distraction. It surprises no one as much as him when Grantaire, the group’s finest cynic, is the one to defend Marius and love. It grows into an argument, as everything does, and though it doesn’t become as bad as many of their other arguments have, Enjolras can’t stop thinking about after. He had expected Grantaire to be the one to agree with him that love is pointless, but of course the one thing Grantaire believes in is love. It doesn’t make any sense, and Enjolras can’t help but wonder why love is the one thing Grantaire won’t belittle. It bothers him so much that his temper is even worse when Grantaire is around, and it takes less than usual for Grantaire to get a rise out him. It eventually leads to another epic fight, one where all the things they’ve kept quiet get out. Enjolras brings up Grantaire’s drinking, something he promised himself he would never do again, and Grantaire attacks Enjolras’ righteousness and privileged background, even though he doesn’t believe that Enjolras ever acts privileged, and never has. Enjolras knows he’s saying things he’s going to regret, can see Courfeyrac’s horrified face in the background, but he can’t make himself stop, can’t keep the words in. Still, even he realizes that he’s gone too far when he screams ’leave then, if you don’t believe in anything we do. I don’t know why you’re always here, when you don’t believe in our causes so just go away and stay away’ and the entire room freezes. He wants to take the words back as soon as they leave him but he can’t. He registers everyone’s shocked faces around him, the sadness on Joly’s face and the terrifying anger in Eponine’s eyes, but the only face he really sees is Grantaire’s and the hurt etched there. He looks more hurt than Enjolras has ever seen him before, more in pain at Enjolras words now than he did at the hospital after his father’s death or during their fight at his mother’s funeral. Enjolras wants to say something, but can’t think of anything that would make it better, so he just stands there, silent and afraid, as Grantaire turns around and leaves the room.

They’re all surprised when Grantaire shows up at the next meeting, but Marius is bringing Cosette around for the first time, partly so that they finally get to meet her but also because she’s writing an article about them, about Enjolras, for the school paper. Perhaps that’s why Grantaire shows up, Enjolras can’t help but think, to make a scene in front of Cosette. Part of him wants to ask Grantaire to leave as he sits down in the back with his customary bottle of wine, but knows it would only make things worse. So he stays quiet and barely even looks at Grantaire, focusing instead on the meeting and on Cosette. Still, he can’t help but notice when Cosette sits down next to Grantaire at the end of the meeting, and he watches their conversation in slight panic. He can only imagine all the horrible things Grantaire has to say about him. He doesn’t get a chance to confront him about it, as Grantaire leaves immediately after Marius and Cosette. He doesn’t show up to the rest of the meetings that week and doesn’t answer the phone when Enjolras tries to call, so the next week when the article comes out, Enjolras is terrified. Nothing could ever prepare him for what he finds when he reads it though. Cosette writes about the group on its own, but especially about Enjolras and his background. She writes about his passion and determination to change the world and the article includes quotes from almost everyone. The things that stand out, at least to Enjolras, is Grantaire’s quotes. To Enjolras’ shock, Grantaire talks higher of Enjolras than anyone else. As he reads the article he can almost hear Grantaire’s voice saying them, but at the same time it sounds bizarre. He can’t understand why Grantaire would say these things to Cosette, especially the night after their fight, and he can’t stop reading the article, getting stuck on the last sentence, which cannot really be Grantaire’s words. Still, it’s there in front of him, black on white: ’I don’t really believe the world can change, I think it’s too messed up for that. But if anyone can change it, it’s Enjolras. I don’t believe in the world, but I do believe in him’.

Enjolras is standing outside Grantaire’s apartment before he’s even aware he’s headed there, banging on the door with the magazine rolled up in his hand. It takes a while for Grantaire to open the door but when he finally does he just stands there, looking at Enjolras with his eyebrows raised as Enjolras stares back at him. He pushes past Grantaire into the apartment then, demanding to know what the hell the article is about. Grantaire just looks tired, trying to deflect Enjolras’ questions by saying that he can’t ever seem to please him, he’s upset when Grantaire doesn’t believe in anything and now he’s upset when Grantaire does believe in something. Enjolras won’t let him get away with it though, he’s determined for them to finally to talk, for once they’re both going to get everything out. He won’t let Grantaire hide behind his mask anymore, won’t let him barricade his feelings inside. Enjolras doesn’t expect him to give in so easily though, doesn't expect Grantaire to march up to him, frustrated and screaming that yes, it’s true, he does believe in Enjolras, of course he does, he always has and how can Enjolras not see that Grantaire is in love with him?

At first Enjolras doesn’t say anything, can’t say anything, just stands there, staring at Grantaire in shock, before he makes the most embarrassing sound and reaches out to grab Grantaire and pull him in, pressing his lips to Grantaire’s fiercely. He doesn’t know how to do anything without passion and kissing is apparently one of those things he learns as he presses closer to Grantaire, tangling his hands in Grantaire’s hair and sighing happily when Grantaire relaxes against him, sneaks his arms around Enjolras’ waist and kisses back. They kiss for what feels like forever before they part, standing there panting and staring at each other. Enjolras can see doubt and worry in Grantaire’s eyes then and he can’t have that so he pulls him back in, pressing soft kisses to his lips and cheeks, determined to show Grantaire that he means it, that he loves Grantaire too. He tells Grantaire as much, later, when they sit tangled up on the sofa, Grantaire resting his head on Enjolras’ shoulder. He tells him how he’s always loved him, how much it’s always meant to Enjolras to have Grantaire by his side, how much he loves arguing with Grantaire because it makes his own arguments better and how he could never imagine doing anything without Grantaire’s support. Grantaire tells Enjolras how he’s loved Enjolras since the day when they first met and he thought Enjolras was the sun, how he’s always been content to just walk beside Enjolras, to get just a glimpse of his light and his passion, how he’s always admired Enjolras for his belief, for his fire and determination, for his refusal to ever give up. He tells him how he’s always believed in Enjolras’ ability to change the world, and how Grantaire’s never going to leave Enjolras’ side. He tells him how Enjolras makes him believe in himself.

***

Enjolras can’t remember the first time he met Grantaire. He just knows that Grantaire’s always been by his side, and always will be.

The first time Grantaire saw Enjolras, he thought he was witnessing the sun in person. Every day since then has been filled with light just because of Enjolras’ light and passion. With Enjolras in his life, Grantaire manages to find light inside himself as well and believes in his own ability to shine.


End file.
